Sex Column: Do I tell hubbie I fancy a woman?

For five years I’ve been married to a very lovely man but the truth is that I’m not in love with him and I wasn’t the day I walked down the aisle.

I’m attracted to women and I’ve known it all my life, even if I have tried to bury it. I had one fling at university with a female friend, which was confusing and passionate, and then quickly fell into a series of relationships with kind, interesting, safe men.

I’ve recently felt the energy starting to drain out of me. I’m always tired and so my husband suggested I joined a local interest group to get me out of the house. I’ve met a kindred spirit there and although we haven’t spoken in depth, we are getting closer. She says she is also in a marriage that is no longer fulfilling her needs and I feel her looking at me in a way other women don’t.

When I missed a recent club meeting she messaged me saying she missed me. I think about her all the time, which makes me feel incredibly disloyal to my husband. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

GUILT is a nasty emotion — so use it to power you into leaving.
‘Do it for your husband if necessary,’ says James McConnachie, ‘because keeping him in a marriage with someone who doesn’t really love him is not being very kind.’

Coming out happens in steps. By writing to us you have made the hardest one: you have come out to yourself and finally accepted that your inner world should match your outer one. There are many ways to align them, says Rupert Smith.

‘For some, like me, it can mean guzzling half a bottle of gin, then blurting it all out in a tear-soaked confession over Sunday dinner,’ he says. ‘For you, it means sitting down with your husband and facing some inconvenient truths and reaching some decisions.’

This conversation will mark the end of your marriage, says Dr Angharad Rudkin.

‘Sad though this will be,’ she says, ‘it does mean that neither of you will waste any more time being with someone who can’t give them what they need.’

Try to reach an amicable separation.

‘Only then should you consider expressing your feelings to your friend,’ Rudkin continues. ‘Even if she is not the one for you, she will have helped you to clarify your needs and for that she will always be important.’
Finally, if you need help building courage, McConnachie suggests you read a book about coming-out stories. Val McDermid and Evan Davis edited a collection about celebrities called It’s OK To Be Gay (Accent Press).
‘You are not alone in all of this,’ he says. ‘And neither you nor your husband should spend your lives alone either.’

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Muriel Spark’s MI6 work to be examined during writer’s centenary…

Dame Muriel Spark’s little-known work writing “black propaganda” for MI6 during the Second World War will be examined during a year-long programme of events marking the centenary of her birth.

The celebration of Edinburgh-born Spark, who published her debut novel after honing her writing skills with the intelligence service, will include a special event looking at how her MI6 role helped develop her writing skills and went on to influence her novels.

Read the full article…

Nicola Sturgeon, Val McDermid and Kirsty Wark among stellar line-up coming to Women of the World festival in Perth…

Written by Gillian Furmage, 26 October 2017

THE Women of the World festival is coming to Scotland for the first time from Friday 27th October.

Venues in Perth will be hosting events featuring speakers such as Scotland’s First Minister, author Val McDermid and broadcaster Kirsty Wark.
WOW Festival 2017 will officially launch with First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in conversation with WOW founder Jude Kelly on Friday 27th at Perth Concert Hall.

First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said she was ‘proud’ to be opening the festival.

She said: “Events such as WOW are extremely important. They help to open up the debate about gender parity, how we can accelerate progress, overcome the obstacles facing women today and how we can deliver an age of true equality.
“Achieving this is my priority as First Minister, but it is an important task for all of us.

“I look forward to an evening of great discussion celebrating and recognising the many achievements of women and girls.”

Kirtsy Wark’s discussion will be titled ‘Is 60 the new 30?’ and will explore the realities facing women as they step into the ‘third age’
Joining Kirsty will be Perth locals Rachel Weiss – founder of Perth’s (and the world’s) first Menopause Café – and Clare Cooper, an entrepreneur and passionate advocate for independent living for older people, to feature during the hour long chat on Saturday afternoon at Perth Concert Hall.

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